R Rated Riddles

 



What can Life Savers do that men cannot? 
Answer: Come in five flavors. 

What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? 
Answer: Crust. 

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. 

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? 
Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing. 

What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together?
Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey.

What is the ultimate rejection?
Answer: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my Election. 

What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
Answer: A blow job with handle bars.

What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates? 
Answer: A mobile sperm bank.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head? 
Answer: All you can eat for under a buck.

What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? 
Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone. 

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
Answer: A cherry float. 

What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? 
Answer: Beat IT - we're closed. 

Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
Answer: To find a tight seal. 

What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Answer: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

What's the difference between sin and shame? 
Answer: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. 

What's the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? 
Answer: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!" 

Why is air a lot like sex? 
Answer: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. 

What's another name for pickled bread? 
Answer: Dill-dough.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? 
Answer: He heard the snow blower coming. 

Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy? 
Answer: She's withholding evidence. 

What's the difference between light and hard? 
Answer: You can sleep with a light on.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
Answer: Because they don't have balls to scratch. 

Why is sex like a bridge game?
Answer: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. 

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? 
Answer: Their balls are just for decoration.